Introduction
According to recent polling, the presumptive nominees of both corporate parties have higher “unfavorable” ratings than “favorable,” even among their own parties. The majority of the U.S. electorate is disillusioned but too unimaginative to think of something else. What this situation needs is a supermax prisoner running a write in candidacy for president, promising to abolish the United States and decolonize North America– a theatrical spectacle that exposes the hypocrisy and futility of the entire hierarch swindle.
I have previously run for president in 2016 and 2020, with supporters printing t-shirts and bumper stickers. I had a web presence, Swain2020.org to publish my platform and itinerary for abolishing the U.S. in 90 days. So, for 2024, I’d like to send out an open invitation to anyone who wants to recreate the fun from those past campaigns and perhaps blast a bullet through the brainpan of the body politic.
Abolish EVERYTHING.
I list a brainstorm of events and activities that, together, would not only be more fun than running down a hallway with scissors, it might be more dangerous to the mythology of DUHmocracy and freeDUMB.
Campaign Website
Like all serious campaigns mounted by hierarchs, this needs a website, perhaps building off of the Swain2020.org programming. The site would feature my platform and 90-day plan for abolishing the United States (to include unilateral denuclearization, decommissioning the U.S. military and selling its hardware on e-Bay, and mass deportation of white people who arrived here after 1492– probably on a fleet of cruise ships). And, of course, the bonfire celebration where the Whitehouse used to be.
The site could also be a space for video, audio, announcement of upcoming events, and perhaps sale of cheaply made merch like t-shirts and bumper stickers.
T-shirts, Bumper Stickers
T-shirts can be screen printed with materials stolen from WalMart (“SWAIN, 2024… ABOLISH EVERYTHING,” or maybe, “SWAINIAC”) and bumper stickers with similar slogans can be printed cheaply.
NEEDED: Someone to steal a lot of shit from WalMart and someone to screen print.
30-Second Videos for Posting
I can record a series of 30-second videos that promote my candidacy, for posting. Scripts for these videos follow this proposal.
NEEDED: Someone to join my GTL account who can record these videos and share with the website and social media.
Campaign Ad
Set to the song, ” Imagine,” by John Lennon, the video would be composed mostly of stock footage online, beginning with images of bombings and police brutality, and quick cuts to events like the Kennedy assassinations. Footage symbolizing poverty would be interspersed with smiling, waving presidents. Then, building to a conclusion, riot porn– insurrectionists attacking cops with the words “ABOLISH” and “EVERYTHING” flashing over the action. When the music ends, it cuts to a cartoon of me and my voice, “I’m Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain, write in candidate for president in 2024, and I approved this message…”
NEEDED: Someone with video editing skills and ability to distribute across social media.
CAMPAIGN “PRESS CONFERENCE”
Press releases would go to mainstream media, announcing an important press conference at Swain 2024 headquarters, where there will be free refreshments and attending media will receive a free gift bag.
The “headquarters” would have fold out chairs facing a podium. To the side, a table with coffee and donuts. As media enter, they would be greeted by ski-mask-clad guerrillas with name tags (“Insurgent Suzie,” “Insurgent Jeff,” etc.). Media would be given coffee and donuts and would find a swag bag on each seat (containing a ski mask with “SWAIN 2024” over the eye holes, and a pile of radical zines). The audience will also have two or three plants who arrive and sit incognito with the media.
The campaign manager (Subcommander Jerry) would take the podium to make an announcement that begins with, “Let’s not forget– electoral politics is a rip off, hierarchy is a swindle, and obedience is a crime.” He or she would then announce that Russian trolls Boris and Natasha have promised to hack the Venezuelan voting machines to give 100% of the vote to Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain, and so there is no point to voters showing up on election day.
Subcommander Jerry then plays an incendiary 30-second video of me that will horrify mainstream media.
Subcommander Jerry then takes questions from media, pointing first at a plant in the crowd.
PLANT: Is it true that Swain plans to have senators, representatives, and supreme court justices SHOT if he gets elected?
SUBCOMMANDER JERRY: No. Sean has repeatedly said that if you kill them, they won’t learn anything. He plans to temporarily detain them in reeducation camps until he can deport them.
And so on.
All of this would be videotaped and uploaded as serious shit to social media and the website.
NEEDED: A lot of people with way too much time on their hands.
Wrestling Match
I will challenge both party nominees and their vice presidential picks to a 4-on-1 no-holds-barred no-pinfall submission-only tables-ladders-and-chairs Texas cage-match, to be aired on pay-per-view, winner take all proceeds. This challenge to Biden and Trump would then be spread on social media.
NEEDED: You get it.
CONCLUSION
Beyond the absurdity and shock value and the fun, an effective campaign like this could provoke and challenge otherwise compliant hierarchs to question the validity and legitimacy of the systems of power, as well as their roles in sustaining those systems.
Humor is subversive.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
If you’re too busy to commit to this kind of nonsense, please share this proposal with friends and encourage them to share it with others, in hopes that this idea will resonate with folks who will be able to make this spectacle happen…
PROPOSED SCRIPTS FOR MY 30-SECOND VIDEOS:
Hi. I’m Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain at the super duper max in Youngstown, Ohio. I’m a write in candidate for president and I’d like to take a few moments to explain why I hope to get your support…
First, do you value freedom? So… you vote, giving power to strangers… whose offices are hundreds of miles away… and they make decisions… and give you orders… and don’t even know your name… and you obey? Does that sound like freedom? FreeDUMB. [Hold up sign, “FreeDUMB”]
For 8000 years we’ve been stuck with hierarchy, the few ruling the many, and it’s never worked as advertised. It hasn’t made you prosperous or happy or safe. So, are you voting for another hierarch, expecting a better outcome? Doing the same thing for 8000 years and expecting a different result is the very definition of insanity.
Democracy is the right to cast a vote nobody counts… the right to obey the tyranny of some jackwagon your whackadoodle neighbors voted for… the right to spend years watching chuckleheads who don’t share your values ruin your life. Democracy. It starts with, ” Duh.” [Hold up sign: “DUHmocracy”]
Why am I different from the other candidates? Well, first, because I’m an Anarchist. That means I think we’re all better off with power over our own lives, choosing to cooperate in communities with others who share our values… rather than dragging stones up the side of a stranger’s pyramid at gunpoint. If you value freedom too… maybe YOU’RE an Anarchist… [Shrug]
Isn’t it strange that every election cycle politicians ask for your vote so they can exercise power OVER YOU? Unlike them, I won’t exercise power over you. I’ll give it back to you. For good. You’ll never have to give it away to another politician… ever again.
Both corporate parties will tell you I’m a threat. I’m dangerous and crazy. Truth is, I am a threat– to their system of power. And I am dangerous… if I can get you to imagine our world without THEM running it. And I might very well be crazy… but that doesn’t mean I’m not right.
Both corporate parties have pushed their same tired solutions for decades, centuries. Has that worked for you? It’s worked for THEM. Perhaps someone SHOULD threaten their power. Can you think of anyone better prepared to do that… than ME?
On average, Americans are comfortable. But averages can be deceiving. Imagine someone with one foot in an ice bucket and the other foot on fire. On average, the temperature is comfortable. That’s American comfort for you. Some of us in the ice bucket, some of us on fire.
We’re trained to think that government serves us and the economy benefits us. But I don’t see that. I see us serving and benefitting powerful systems. And if WE serve THEM, isn’t it time we get rid of them and serve ourselves? But what do I know? I’m dangerous and crazy.
We don’t question whether the Founding Fathers were wise, or whether their system works well. But if they were so smart, why did they have lead in their paint? I look at the corrupt system ruling us today and I have to wonder if maybe that lead paint affected those guys more than we know. [Shrug]
What would we do without a federal government? Well, we’d spend all that money on our local communities and we’d learn to govern ourselves by our rules rather than some stranger’s rules. And we’d keep our power to serve our own interests, whatever those are. But again, what do I know? I’m dangerous and crazy.
Without government, what will we do about crime? That’s a good question. But I have a better one: If we DO have government, what are we gonna do about crime? We have government now and we still have crime. In fact, the longer we keep government, the worse crime gets. I don’t know about you, but government doesn’t stop crime at my home. I do. And that’s why I got locked up… by government.
If we don’t have government, what will we do about Russia and China? Well, first, without government, we’ll stop aggravating them. And second, if they waste gas and money floating an army over here to invade us we’ll kill them. We have over 300 million guns. We don’t need an army. We ARE an army.
The U.S. began as 13 colonies, a bunch of farmers with the same interests and values. The Founding Fathers never imagined this sprawling bureaucracy spending trillions to impose one-size-fits-all onto hundreds of millions of people. They called this an experiment. Well, it got too big and it failed. Let’s scrap it and move on to a way of living that makes us all happy.
If you vote for the sock puppet nominee of the republicans, you know what he’ll do? Same thing republicans always do. And if you vote for tr sock puppet nominee of the democrats, you know what he’ll do? Same thing democrats always do. But if you vote for an anarchist, do you know what I’LL do? [laugh] See? Isn’t this fun?
In conclusion, I hope you’ll check out my plans and itinerary online and write me in for president so this election will be the last one. I’m not asking for four years. I only need 15 minutes. I’m Anarchist Prisoner Sean Swain, write in candidate for president in 2024, and I approved this message… because it’s time to ABOLISH EVERYTHING.
Sean Swain A243205
OSP Youngstown
878 Coitsville-Hubbard Road
Youngstown, OH 44505
Mongoose Distro 