Urgent… Breaking News
Coronavirus inhibitor found in Texas prison
Circa July 2020
An analysis of the TDCJ-CID social distance policy, as implemented at the Eastham State Plantation, suggests that the coronavirus pathogen is not attracted to human subjects that are standing upright. This appears to be so because the only time the policy is enforced or even seriously suggested, is in those situations where the slaves are seated (i.e. in the chapel and other meeting facilities, or while seated in the dining hall). The social distance policy is by no means enforced in the passageways (except sporadically), in the showers – especially not in the showers, or while standing in the serving or exit lines of the dining hall. This leads us to conclude that the Eastham Chattel will remain perfectly safe and protected from coronavirus so long as they remain in a standing position. Should this conclusion prove false, however, this reporter will die knowing that he has left behind a humorous missive to entertain those who come after.
This was orginally written in March 2020, and then rewritten in July with the following note:
It is now July and we are well into our second coronavirus lockdown. Social distancing, because we are locked down, is not an issue at present, but the prison staff’s lackadaisical adherence to other Covid-19 protective protocols remains a serious concern.